The Old Rule.

Before 2010, people who were in a Registered Domestic Partnership would each file a separate federal tax return, report only their income, and only be entitled to claim their credits and deductions. Basically, the IRS treated RDPs like single people. This was despite Washington’s Registered Domestic Partnership Act which extended community property rights to RDP’s as of June 11, 2008.

The New Rule. 

The IRS has changed their rules for RDPs in Washington effective with the 2010 tax returns. People who are in an RDP still file individually, but now each person reports half of the combined income of the RDP and takes half of the combined total credits for income tax withholding. “Income” includes both wages and income from community-property assets. These rule changes also allow taxpayers to amend tax returns filed in 2008 and 2009, though they do not require amendment. If one taxpayer amends, the other must do so as well.

What is or isn’t community property is still being sorted out and is likely to change as the IRS refines their new rules. According to Ms. DuCharme’s article, withdrawals from IRAs and Coverdell Education Savings Accounts are treated as separate income, but withdrawals from pensions (including military retirement, civil service retirement and FERS retirement plans) could be treated as community property. Income from a community business is community income, but the self-employment taxes are only imposed on the partner who is carrying on the business. If the property was acquired before the couple was registered or before June 11, 2008 (whichever was later) it will be considered separate property unless it was clearly converted to community property via a quit claim deed or agreement.

Effect of New Rules. 

There is bound to be a good deal of confusion about how these new rules affect you and your partner. If you are registered, should you stay registered? If you aren’t registered, should you take that step? What does the IRS consider to be separate property and what is community property? Should you and your partner enter into an agreement stating that property is or isn’t community property? Is the new rule going to save you and your partner money or end up with you paying more taxes? Do you and your partner need to amend your tax returns?  If so, how far back do you need to go? These are all very good questions and should be answered by a tax professional and attorney who are fluent in the new IRS rules as well as the RDP Act. 

Ms. DuCharme’s article can be read here. If you have questions, feel free to call Pro Se University at 877.776.7310.

Where do I begin? 

Your first objective is to define the scope of your project, so you have an overall picture of what you will be required to do as you navigate your case. Block out some time when you won’t be disturbed, grab a pen and some paper, and start by familiarizing yourself with the five stages a family law case typically goes through: (1) filing the initial petition and response; (2) the temporary order process; (3) discovery; (4) the settlement conference; (5) the trial if settlement fails. You can find a breakdown of this process in my post, As A Pro Se Party, You are the Project Manager of Your Family Law Case.

I recommend going through each stage, one at a time, to create action items. Be sure to consider the forms and documents you’ll need to gather, deadlines for filing paperwork, information to compile in support of your case, appointments to make and meetings to attend. At the end of this process, you should have a detailed task checklist for each stage of your case, as well as a project timeline. If you need help with this, Pro Se University offers $5 Roadmaps (several are free) to help you with your family law issue.

Label file folders for each stage of your family law issue, so you’ll have a place to house your checklists and other documents you are likely to collect. Also, buy a large calendar to prominently mark important dates and deadlines.

How can I keep from being overwhelmed by my family law project?

Concentrate on one stage at a time. Simply developing your action plan is a large undertaking, but once it’s in place, executing your to-do lists will seem less daunting. Here are some things you can do to make the work more manageable:

• Create an environment that is conducive to concentrating. This means eliminating distractions and physical clutter. Turn off your phone and television, ignore your doorbell.  Your work area should only contain the tools you need in order to work on your case and nothing more. It can be comfortable and accommodating, but cannot be used for anything other than your casework.
  
  
• Set aside enough time to get through a few items from your checklist. Don’t try to tackle everything at once, but mix easier tasks with more complicated ones. The energy and ego boost you’ll feel from accomplishing the smaller items will help you power on. People generally underestimate how long it will take to do something, so I recommend doubling your estimate. If you think it will take you half an hour to fill out a form, give yourself an hour. It is better to have extra time on your hands than to miss a deadline.
  
  
• If you are stretched thin and your calendar is already full, consider saying no to some of your personal obligations. Effective project managers know how to prioritize. You may need to make some tough decisions if you want to stay focused and on task.

• Be as prepared as you can. If you are working on a computer, constantly back up your files. You don’t want any of your hard work erased. It’s also a good idea to keep a notebook at hand so that you can write down any ideas or questions that come up. Written reminders are important because you will be keeping track of many details, and you don’t want to rely on memory alone. They can also help you quickly pick up where you left off if you are interrupted.

• Above all, take care of yourself during this process. Eat and sleep well, take breaks and cut yourself some slack. It’s perfectly reasonable if other areas of your life fade to the background for a while. Your number one priority is to get through your case and achieve a favorable outcome. Keeping this in mind at all times will be invaluable.

Pro Se University offers affordable legal help for individuals living in King County who are not able to afford an attorney. If you need guidance along the way, contact us or attend a free 30-minute appointment. We will help you get on track and through your family law issue.

Photo by Andy Ciordia

What are some common misconceptions surrounding divorce?

One of the biggest misconceptions concerns money. Both women and men tend to believe that their finances will not change significantly after a divorce. They don’t take the time to sit down together and figure out how the income that previously supported one household will be able to support two in the future. Instead, each party expects to sustain their current lifestyle while the other makes concessions. Typically, women believe they will receive more maintenance than the court is likely to award, while men believe that they shouldn't have to pay alimony and that everything should be divided equally, even if their spouse hasn't worked for many years. In most cases, both parties will end up living off of a lower income post-divorce.

You may be able avoid frustration and disappointment down the road by setting up a budget during the divorce, either together or on your own. At the very least, a budget will help you to anticipate upcoming lifestyle adjustments. In fact, you may want to start cutting expenses now if you can, or think about ways to eventually increase your income.

Other common misconceptions about divorce involve children. Parenting after a divorce can be complicated, but it helps to be flexible and open-minded. Many women are used to being the primary caregiver and find it difficult to let go of the high level of control they once had over their children’s lives and schedules. Depending on your custody arrangement, your children may spend time between two homes, which means increased time away from you. This can be painful at first, but remember that your children have two parents and that it is essential to their well-being and development that they spend time with both of them.

Men struggle with their own parenting challenges after divorce and are frequently surprised by how difficult it is to raise a child on their own. They are also often caught off guard by the amount of child support they are required to pay.

It is important to note that the amount of child support one pays is related to the amount of time each parent spends with a child. The parent who has the child most of the time will receive child support from the other parent. If the child spends significant time with both parents, then the paying parent may get a credit against the support payment to account for this extra time. Also, if primary parenting of multiple children is split between the parents, then child support is based on this “split-custody” arrangement. In these situations, we use a formula to calculate which parent will pay support and in what amount. This formula was developed by Division I of the Washington Court of Appeals in the case of In re Marriage of Arvey, 77 Wn.App. 817, 894 P.2d 1346 (Wash.App. Div. 1 1995).

It is also important to remember that the issues of child support and parenting are treated separately by the court. This means that one parent cannot withhold visitation from the other parent because he or she has failed to pay child support. Instead, the parent who is not receiving his or her court-ordered support must bring legal action to enforce the order to pay.  But in the meantime, the nonpaying parent is still entitled to enforce the parenting plan. This is because to do otherwise  would be unfair to the child, who has a right to spend time with both parents.

How can I clear up any misconceptions I may have about life after divorce?

You can learn about the realities of divorce by reading through the Pro Se University blog archives or you can sign up for the next free 30-minute Attorney Appointment. We are here to help.

We seek advice from our friends and family to learn how to approach a new situation. Our goal is to go from knowing “nothing” to knowing “something.” And who better to prepare us for this than a group of people we already know and trust?

I know I have a group of friends I lean on for advice. But there are some situations when one needs to evaluate if our friends are the appropriate and qualified source of information about important life issues that vary from person to person, based on their own experience.

Take divorce for example. 

Why should I be careful when seeking a friend’s advice about divorce?

Author Susan Pease Gadoua wrote a great article on this subject titled, Beware When Seeking A Friend’s Advice About Divorce, for the Huffington Post. She says that you shouldn’t learn about divorce from someone like a friend, family member, neighbor, or co-worker, and this group of people alone. They should not be your only source for learning about everything that can happen as you move through the often-confusing legal process.

Gadoua cites three main reasons to support her claim:

You are learning about divorce through someone who may not fully understand what happened or why.

Your friend/acquaintance may not tell you about special circumstances in his case that may have influenced a particular outcome.

Everything about you and your case is different from anyone else's case or circumstances.

Everyone reaches out to his or her network to seek advice and learn from the experiences of their peers. That’s okay. But your peers’ lives and situations are completely different from what you are going through right now.

For example, if you are reading this, you are considering or have already decided to represent yourself and are looking for ways to “do-it-yourself” and learn how to do it right. You know that you need help and are looking to team up with someone to get the help you need, when you need it.

How can I learn more about divorce, if not from my friends?

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask your friends for advice about what they went through with their divorce, but keep in mind that what they are telling you is different from your situation and there are details they may be omitting from the story that you’re unaware of.

So what can you do to learn more about the divorce and legal process? I recommend that you learn as much as you can, and books by accredited lawyers are a great resource. Here are a few to get you started:

• Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce by Attorney Emily Doskow
• Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go by Susan Pease Gadoua

Once you have educated yourself as much as you can, build the list of questions that those books have not answered and schedule an appointment with a professional who knows the intricacies of the law specific to the court system where you live.

We are here to help – you can sign up for the next free 30-minute Attorney Appointment, register for a Pro Se University Workshop, or look into other services that match what you’re looking for.

Just because you don’t know what you don’t know, doesn’t mean you have to go it alone.

Roadmaps offer step-by-step instructions that will lead you through the often-confusing process of finding the right forms, filling them out, and filing them in the right place at the right time. They are the ‘go to’ toolkit that will help you file the paperwork yourself and move your case forward.

Each Roadmap costs only $5 and gives you a checklist that is based on the form that you need to file for your specific issue. You can find Roadmaps on the following topics: divorce, paternity, relocation, domestic violence, child support, parenting plan, enforcement, temporary orders, and process service on the other party.

Roadmaps are not intended to be legal advice. If you need help along the way, we encourage you to contact our office and we can help you get back on the right track.

Ready to try them out?

We offer three Roadmaps that you can order and try for free. This is a great way to see what they are about and how they can help you.

We offer Roadmaps for the following family law issues for free:

• Divorce: File a Petition for Dissolution with No Children
• Child Support: File and Note a Family Law Motion Hearing for Adjustment of Child Support
• Process Service on the Other Party: Serve Documents on the Opposing Party

To order a Roadmap, choose the one you want by selecting the family law category from the drop-down menu on the order form and choosing the name of your issue. You may purchase one or more Roadmaps per order. Once you agree to the Terms of Use in Step 2, you will be taken to the Checkout page where you may pay using a credit card or your PayPal account. Once you complete your purchase, the Roadmap will be emailed to you within 48 hours.

To learn more about the Pro Se University Roadmaps and view the full list of issues, head to the Roadmaps section of our website.

Try them out and let us know what you think!

How to prepare for your meeting.

You’ll want to arrive at your meeting with a clear understanding of what you hope to get out of it. That means you’ll know not only what you hope to gain, but what you are willing to give up. Also, think about the needs and objections of the other party – “walk a mile in the other man’s shoes” – so that you can respond quickly and appropriately. Make sure you can provide alternative solutions to the objections. It’s a good idea to create a file with all of your prep work to reference during your meeting.

It is also a good strategy to show up with drafts of all of the necessary paperwork to finalize your case. You can bring them on a laptop or thumb drive, or in hard copy form. If you reach an agreement at the mediation, you can fill out your drafts with your agreement. This work will put you that much closer to finishing your case and will be accurate because both sides will have participated in completing the documents. If you are not sure what paperwork you will need, we can help. Sign up for a free attorney appointment.

Get in the right frame of mind.

Walk into your negotiation with a positive mindset. Try to leave your emotions about the other person at home and approach the situation as you would a business meeting. Give each issue a reasonable amount of time to discuss and when you reach that time limit without significant progress, move on to the next issue. Setting and sticking to an agenda will set the tone that you are both there to resolve your legal issues. Keep focused on the outcome you want; don’t dwell on the past.

Listen carefully and communicate clearly.

During the meeting, listen carefully to the other party and don’t interrupt. Really seek to understand that person’s motivations because this will help you craft the best response. If the other person stakes out a position that you find unreasonable, ask, “Why is he or she taking this position? What is driving him or her to want this outcome?” Often, if you ask these clarifying questions before moving forward in the conversation, you can come up with a solution that addresses the underlying reason for the requested outcome that both parties can accept. When you request something, try your best to clearly communicate why you want this outcome. This will help you and the other person to come to reasonable accommodation on the disputed issues.

It is normal to feel anxious about negotiating. Just remember that a successful negotiation is one that results in both parties walking away feeling that their points of view were heard and the outcome was based on mutual understanding. In most cases, this means reaching a compromise.

The goal of the orientation is to effectively explain the court process to pro se parties in person instead of just handing out forms with instructions.

Attendance is mandatory and the rule is as follows:

LFLR 20. ORIENTATION PROGRAM IN FAMILY LAW MATTERS
Adopted on an Emergency Basis; effective January 1, 2011

(a) Description and Applicability. To assist self-represented parties involved in family law matters and improve the efficiency of the court, King County Superior Court Family Court shall conduct an Orientation Program for parties in all cases filed under Chapter 26.09 RCW, including dissolutions of marriage, legal separations and major parenting plan modifications.

(b) Mandatory Attendance. In all cases referred to in Section (a) above, all self-represented parties shall successfully complete the Orientation Program within thirty (30) days of filing or service of the summons and petition. Successful completion shall be evidenced by a certificate of attendance filed with the court by Family Court Operations staff. Any party attending the Orientation Program prior to obtaining a King County Superior Court cause number shall be responsible for filing his or her certificate of attendance in the court file when the cause number is obtained.

You can read details about the rule here, on the King County Superior Court website. The orientation will require a small fee that the pro se party is responsible for.

What does this rule mean for me, a pro se party?

We all know that the legal process can be confusing – which is why Pro Se University offers a number of workshops and services to help you navigate the process. So it’s a good sign that the King County Court is starting this program. What the orientation will look like in implementation is still to be seen.

The details about this program and how Family Court Services will notify pro se parties that file after January 1, 2011 are yet to be determined. If you are one of these people, you can contact Family Court Services for more information.

When the decisions about the parenting plan are complicated or when both parties are unable to reach a resolution, the court may intervene and require a parenting plan evaluation.

In a parenting plan evaluation, a specially-trained and licensed expert evaluates each parent and child to assist the court to make a decision. These experts often have advanced degrees and training regarding child development. The evaluator is an impartial party who is focused on one thing, and that is “the best interests of the children” involved.

What is the goal of a parenting evaluation?

It is key that the expert performing the evaluation be trained in how to remain impartial and keep the well being of the child a priority. Luckily, in Western Washington there is a special certificate program that trains health and law professionals in these skills. It is called the Parenting Evaluation Training Program (PETP) at the University of Washington. Graduates of this program have been specially trained to work effectively as evaluators and treatment personnel to protect the interests of children and help resolve high-conflict family law litigation.

A PETP graduate also may offer “Co-Parent Psychotherapy,” which is a form of counseling with the following goals:

• Reduce parental conflict and enhance cooperation
• Quickly resolve disputes between parents about the children
• Assist child's (children's) coping with their parents’ conflict
• Reduce post-divorce litigation
• Enhance parenting skills

At its core, the parenting evaluation and co-parent psychotherapy can help you learn how to parent your child together with your former spouse and lead a more peaceful life after divorce. It is not a single-parent parenting class, but an opportunity for both parents to learn how to focus on the well being of their child.

You can find details on what to expect during the University of Washington Co-Parent Psychotherapy process here.

Where can I find a qualified parenting evaluation professional to help me with this issue?

If you need a parenting evaluation or want to start Co-Parenting Psychotherapy, the list of PETP Graduates is a great resource.

If you have any questions about how a parenting evaluation can help move your family law issue forward, we can help. You can sign up for a free 30-minute Attorney Appointment on the web.  We schedule these appointments on one Tuesday each month.  You can also contact our office and speak to Xenia at 877-776-7310 to schedule a free consultation.

We look forward to working with you.

According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML):

An overwhelming 81% of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, according to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Anything you post online is public. Even if you have tight privacy settings, you never know who’s looking at your profile and who will share the information. 

What are attorneys or your estranged spouse looking for? They are trying to check your emotional state and see if you post anything that contradicts a statement you previously made. For example, if you go on record that you are having financial troubles and then post pictures from a recent vacation or a big purchase you just made, it will not paint the same picture and has the potential to hurt your case.

What can I do to protect myself on Facebook?

Even if you are not “friends” with your estranged spouse on Facebook, any status updates, pictures, links, and comments you leave on the things your friends post may show up on your estranged spouse’s newsfeed through mutual friends. Don’t risk it.

Check you privacy settings on Facebook. Here are two articles to walk you through how to check your privacy settings:

1. Time to Audit Your Facebook Privacy Settings, Here’s How on Fast Company
2. 10 Privacy Settings Every Facebook User Should Know on All Facebook: The Unofficial Facebook Resource

Be careful what you say. Think before you post and comment on anything—be it a status update, a photo or a comment on another friend’s post. Do not post anything related to your case, your estranged spouse, or if you’re starting to date other people. If you have any doubts, you probably shouldn’t push the “share” button.

Lock down your account. You can temporarily deactivate your Facebook account during your litigation or simply not post anything until it’s over. This will prevent you from sharing something that could potentially be used against you.

You should also be aware of what you post on Twitter, especially since all public tweets posted to Twitter are archived by the Library of Congress.

If you have questions about the role social media can play in your case, contact our office and we can help you figure out the best strategy.

What do these cuts mean for my family law case?

Family Court Services is a program in the King County Superior Court that is staffed by social workers who specialize in assisting with family law issues. They help the court during a family law issue to promote the outcome that will benefit the children and the family as a whole.

Family Law Facilitators provide information and referrals to family law litigants who are not represented by attorneys. This means you, if you are a Pro Se party. 

Without these programs, people will be without the county-provided resources they may need to navigate through their family law issue.

Luckily, Pro Se University offers two services that can help you:

Workshops are an affordable way to help you with a specific family law issue. They are perfect for people who know what paperwork they need to fill out, but need help with the details. At each workshop, expect to walk out with a completed document that is ready to be filed. We offer a variety of workshops most days of the week. You can check out our workshop schedule and sign up here.

Attorney Appointments are ideal for you if you need individual legal advice and coaching on how to manage your case or if you need help with a specific issue. These appointments are ideal for people who need more personalized information about their family law issue than a workshop will provide.

Attorney Appointments are more expensive than workshops. However, Pro Se University is offering a free 30-minute Attorney Appointment for any family law issue on Tuesday, December 14 and the next one is Tuesday, January 25, 2011. This is a great opportunity to get personal information about your case from the experienced family lawyers on our team. 

If you are interested in a free 30-minute Attorney Appointment, you can sign up here. Or call Xenia at 877-776-7310 to schedule an individualized appointment and learn more about our workshops.